Imagine all the people Living for today

Comfort in Thought

Last night I decided to do something really different and I made an appointment to do a past life regression hypnosis session. I was so excited about it, I’ve been interested for awhile and I thought maybe I could get to the bottom of some fears I have that have developed over the years. So I went, I was extremely tired, I had orginially told the lady doing it that I was going to drink because it’s really hard for me to relax, I thought being as tired as I was would work just as well. We sat for a long time just chit chatting about our kids. I filled out a short form saying what I would like to accomplish and we were off to the comfy chair and blankie.

So I felt pretty relaxed because I was that tired. We began, I don’t know if it was working because just as we were getting started the wonderful guide had a coughing fit really bad, I felt really sorry for her. So after a length of time the recording was restarted and we began again. The beginging is just running through your body relaxing muscles, that went fine, then we hit the one thing I cannot do, visualize. If you tell me to imagine a beautiful garden, I can’t I see nothing in my minds eye, see a mirror, nope. I discovered I cannot visualize things. If you said to me imagine your sitting on the swing in your backyard I can pull up that memory but if it’s an imaginary thing in my back yard I can’t. No obviously I have an imagination or my dreams of zombies would never happen so that works. But I cannot pull images up. I can see words, think about being scared would cause me to see the word not feel it.

I was so upset that I couldn’t do that I couldn’t relax so the session was a no go, although I had her whole technique on tape to try at home. Tonight I’l drink and listen :) still really tired. I do not how to create or learn to visualize this is a brain thing. I can’t relax if I have to think about trying to do something I can’t. I’m not really that creative either. Sure I do creative things but mostly I follow patterns and get ideas from looking at someone else’s designs. I’m frustrated. I wish I knew how to fix it. Some people can close their eyes and see a red box with a white dot in the middle, I see absolutely nothing. If you tell me to close my eyes and see an Amazon.com box, no problem.

I did go on the internet I’m not the only one, but some how it doesn’t make me feel better.

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Imagine all the people Living for today

The Beat Goes On and On and On

7 Lucky Gods of japan

7 Lucky Gods of japan (Photo credit: Steve-kun)

Getting older really really sucks, actually I’d say the last 5 years have been absolutely awful as far as my health goes. No I haven’t had major illness, thank you God, but things are just accruing in the one more thing going wrong category. Everyone I know knows I suffer from depression and I try really hard to keep it under control but I started going off the rails more and more beginning last summer. So finally in January I decided I need to do more prescriptionwise. So I saw the doctor and we tried another med to add to my current med. Before I added the new pill, I was suffering not only from sadness but also huge body aches and being so tired all the time. You’ve probably seen that commercial with sad people in pain and sleeping a lot, that was me. So we began the journey in January and the extra pill made a huge difference. No more tired, no more pain, side effects were a little bit of a problem, no sleep-waking up every two hours wide awake and watching a lot of late night t.v. It caused terrible digestion issues that were painful and nothing seemed to help that, I also had great meds for sleep that no longer worked with this pill. I was prepared to handle the side effects I felt so much better.

The first month I filled the rx I figured ok I must be in the donut hole on my insurance because it was almost $100 dollars for the scrip…the generic version! Then the second month, the same thing. I had a conversation with the pharmacist and they said my insurance is only paying $10 for that scrip. I can’t do $100 a month for any med, so I thought ok I’ll go off, which was a process, you can’t just go off. I did it with relatively few issues. So by the end of March I was clear of that med, then it all came back. I had forgotten the pain and tired. For the last week I have been trying to figure out why all my muscles and joints hurt, it is a real pain not in my head. I am so tired and usually have to nap once or twice a day, that’s with a good nights sleep.

I don’t know what to do. I see the doctor on Friday for something else and we’ll have to talk about what to do but insurance will be a problem again I’m sure. The good news, I finally was able to get accepted on the Govt healthcare site and the plans are $1000 cheaper! There are 64 plans to choose from so I have my work cut out for me and I need to chose quick if I want to get it by May 1st. Wish me luck. And how are you?

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The Beat Goes On and On and On
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