I’m Baaaack

I’m not guaranteeing anything but I’m going to try personal blogging again. It’s part of the process of The Miracle Morning(Google it to hard to explain). I’ve discovered a huge world of stress with my job and it’s time to take care of all facets of life. My daughter works with me right now and is constantly having to re-focus me because I jump from one thing to another…also the way I listen and speak…and probably write.

Sadly I really don’t have anything exciting to write about. All I do is work, come home, watch something on Roku and crochet(then tear out whatever I’m crocheting) at bed time I read, meditate and sometimes do some dream thingy app. On Tuesdays I help with a local CSA where there a lot of people in a short amount of time, scary for me, I never want to go but always enjoy it once I’m there. I like the physical workout part of it. I do toastmasters every other week to better speak for work. I do the optimists club every Monday because….I’m not sure right now although I have been elected vice president beginning in Oct.  I need some FUN!! and exercise :)

Dating, I am not participating in. I really have little interest either. I really just want a Splenda Daddy, all the benefits none of the sugar. I can’t go to events without an escort it’s driving me nuts.

I have no patience. That is all.

Look what I found when I was typing in the url for this blog…a theme song!

 

I’m Baaaack

TED a Day Day2 The Power of Vulnerability

hump-day-funnies-every-pawdy-happy-hump-dayI’ve never watched a TED talk without getting something from it, no matter what the topic which makes send since the tag for TED is Ideas that matter. I forgot yesterday to post so I’m starting with Day 2. If you don’t know who Brene Brown is you are in for a treat. This TED is fantastic, at one point she talks about people with courage and the definition of courage. I listened and what you hear is people with courage have a sense of worthiness. Worthiness is something I have, not in huge supply but I work on it a lot, but I know from the bottom of my heart, depression takes that away or if you have depression and never been treated and not gotten it somewhat under control, you will not know worthiness. Depression is the killer of worthiness.

I never felt like I needed to end my life BUT when I was in the darkness of depression I felt not worthy. I felt I needed to remove myself, hide, run away, because I was not worthy of others in my life. They should not have to put up with my unworthiness. That is the form my depression takes. Luckily I knew enough or thought enough of myself somewhere deep inside to know I don’t want this darkness and sought help. Help for me is medication and it is a shame for me. I don’t like saying “I take medication for depression” it makes me feel shame, why? I’m not sure why, depression is not sadness it’s so much deeper with roots that spread inside you and pull you deeper into a bottomless pit of darkness where the light cannot penetrate, and for me that is so true it actually felt like it was dark all the time. Now I’m in the light most of the time, there are days when it’s harder to move, to function, to speak to another human but I imagine these days are a lot like people without depression might have every once in awhile, don’t spoil it and tell me no that never happens let me live in my this is “normal” bubble.

I’ve babbled and really lost my train of thought but anyway, watch this TED and I’ll try and share more as I go on my month long TED journey.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability#t-557766

TED a Day Day2 The Power of Vulnerability
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