TED a Day Day2 The Power of Vulnerability

hump-day-funnies-every-pawdy-happy-hump-dayI’ve never watched a TED talk without getting something from it, no matter what the topic which makes send since the tag for TED is Ideas that matter. I forgot yesterday to post so I’m starting with Day 2. If you don’t know who Brene Brown is you are in for a treat. This TED is fantastic, at one point she talks about people with courage and the definition of courage. I listened and what you hear is people with courage have a sense of worthiness. Worthiness is something I have, not in huge supply but I work on it a lot, but I know from the bottom of my heart, depression takes that away or if you have depression and never been treated and not gotten it somewhat under control, you will not know worthiness. Depression is the killer of worthiness.

I never felt like I needed to end my life BUT when I was in the darkness of depression I felt not worthy. I felt I needed to remove myself, hide, run away, because I was not worthy of others in my life. They should not have to put up with my unworthiness. That is the form my depression takes. Luckily I knew enough or thought enough of myself somewhere deep inside to know I don’t want this darkness and sought help. Help for me is medication and it is a shame for me. I don’t like saying “I take medication for depression” it makes me feel shame, why? I’m not sure why, depression is not sadness it’s so much deeper with roots that spread inside you and pull you deeper into a bottomless pit of darkness where the light cannot penetrate, and for me that is so true it actually felt like it was dark all the time. Now I’m in the light most of the time, there are days when it’s harder to move, to function, to speak to another human but I imagine these days are a lot like people without depression might have every once in awhile, don’t spoil it and tell me no that never happens let me live in my this is “normal” bubble.

I’ve babbled and really lost my train of thought but anyway, watch this TED and I’ll try and share more as I go on my month long TED journey.


TED a Day Day2 The Power of Vulnerability

Well I’m here where’s the snacks?

Back of a box of Scooby Snacks from Suncoast.

Back of a box of Scooby Snacks from Suncoast. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As usual it’s been a long time since I posted. I haven’t posted for the very best reason I’ve been doing something I really love that keeps me very occupied. My job is so fulfilling to me…except the not getting paid part, that will come I hope before I have to get desperate. I’ve always been one to get bored easily and this is never the case with non-profit. It’s a challenge every day and it gets me out of bed every day.

I’ve come to the conclusion I’ll probably never have a date again and that makes me sad sometimes. It’s really hard when you realize you are not part of something that makes you feel special. Yes I know yaddayaddayadda I don’t need a man to feel special but there is something wonderful about knowing there is somebody out there that fills that void of being a part of something bigger than yourself. I can’t voice it correctly but if you never have someone to call when you just need a hug, or to go out to dinner with or just be with it leaves a little empty place. I’m not whining I swear, it just makes me sad.

I have met and gotten to know so many special people while doing this new job I feel so honored. I will tell anyone reading this to consider volunteering in some way, you start out thinking your are giving something to someone else but if you find the right place you get more than you give. I never ever would have guessed how much volunteering has done for me, it’s an unexplainable joy I wish I could help everyone to share.

Ok so this is a Seinfeld post, really about nothing. Just thought I would jump right in again.

Well I’m here where’s the snacks?
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