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Message From Beyond

Angel 013

I have never told this story and it’s absolutely true.

In 2005 my husband died of lung cancer, he died after spending over a week in hospice, mostly not conscious. From the time he went in we knew he wasn’t leaving and I decided to stay there with him from beginning to end. I ate there, I showered there, I slept there. It was hard but it felt right. He was basically not awake for a week, he moaned a lot, you could tell there was pain. Right before he passed the nurses for some reason in the middle of the night decided to have a long talk with me about letting him go, that it’s possible he was not letting go because of me being there, and that I should tell him it was ok. So the next day I decided to go home and do a load of laundry, before I left I told him he didn’t have to stay anymore he could go, the girls and I would be ok. Well as you can guess on my way back to hospice I got the call he had passed. Things are a big blur after that.

Jump forward I started dating a man I had known in my high school years and I started hearing a voice in my head, a very nagging voice. The only thing this voice ever said was “Do you know how much I love you?” it was constant to the point I was getting annoyed and worrying about my sanity. I didn’t acknowledge it, I just dealt with the constant voice in my head as best I can, it would happen at all hours.

Many weeks into this I finally had had enough, I started to listen and think about it, and I thought what or who could this be, and it came to me, it was my husband. As soon as I asked…in my head if this was him, I heard the question again and then another statement. “I know all that you did for me” it made me happy. I accepted it, I was grateful for it, and I never heard it again. Sure it could have been my subconscious trying to put a cap on things but I think it was something else, someone else.

True story.

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Message From Beyond

Bang Your Head

Mental Health Month Poster

An update post regarding my mental health. I’m back on all the meds I stopped taking, only one for mental health but I think letting that one stop made me not care about the rest of my health either. I wish I could share this with the world because it’s really good advice and I wish the doctor would have questioned me more about this when I said I wanted to stop the meds to begin with. If you are feeling good it means the meds are working, it DOES NOT mean you no longer need them. Depression is not in your head it’s chemical and that doesn’t go away without changing the chemistry and unless you know something I don’t chemistry doesn’t stay if you stop adding what helps.

I feel so much better than last weekend it’s unbelievable. I literally cannot access the thoughts and feelings I had before, they aren’t there, it’s like a door closed and locked. I know I am different and I know someone else does too although he may not understand why.

On another good note it’s summer vacation for the kids, which for me means if I have trouble sleeping I don’t have to get up at 6 a.m. to get someone else up so I can just sleep till whenever…most of the time. I try to never schedule appts. first thing in the a.m.

I’ve decided the ADD I mentioned is probably more like peri menopause issues since I didn’t really have it all my life. I think I was fairly “normal” all things considered, when I was younger. I’ll work on it and read a lot of tips and tricks.

I hope you are feeling good today too.

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Bang Your Head
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