Archive for » July, 2013 «

Take Comfort in The Unknown

English: Two young women.

This is what I posted on FB a couple days ago -I am learning things about myself that I never gave myself a chance to know. I like it. — feeling great.

This is because I’m stepping out of the life I’ve been living, my comfort zone…or so I thought. I’ve been getting out more, doing activities with people, some I don’t even know…and I like it. You see for most of my life I’ve been on my own. Yes I was married but I was alone most of the time due to work schedule and a love of sleeping all day (not me). And then I started dating someone who is also working all the time and when he’s not needs to do his own thing. Like many women I adapted the attitude that this is what I like, I like my alone time, I see this all time of women in relationships they accept the views or attitudes of the person they are with, like I don’t want to get married (not me I really don’t) but young women do this they say it because that’s what their guy says, but then when the ways are parted they soon are with someone who is what they really needed and they end up marrying quickly and being truly happy, this happens I know sometimes (underline sometimes I know some women have no interest in this) women choose to have no children because their significant other doesn’t want them, only to part ways and voila guess who is going to be a mommy. Don’t get me wrong I’m not against these choices if they are truly coming from the heart.

I feel energized when I go out and see new things, do new things etc. How about you?

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Take Comfort in The Unknown

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Right?

Lonely

Lonely (Photo credit: Daniel CJ Lee)

Well my meds kicked in but this feeling of wasting a lot of time still persists. In 1988 I married my husband, he worked a lot, 12 hour days 5 days a week and then on the weekend he would literally sleep until 3 or 4 in the afternoon, this went on until he got lung cancer. We didn’t have any fun after that obviously. While I was married I was raising our girls so life was busy with them since I was home with them most of the day and weekends.

After my husband died I started seeing a man who lived out of state, long distance relationships are extremely hard. But, then he moved here. At first he couldn’t find a job, we spent a lot of time together. Then he got a job, but he would still come over for dinner every night, it was fun cooking for someone other than my kids. Then he got another job, he works the same hours but now I only see him for 2 hours every Saturday for dinner. The rest of the week I’m on my own, so I spend a lot of time alone, the kids are not so needy anymore.

I’m unhappy and sad. I’m not the type of person who makes friends easily, my sister is the only close friend I really have and with most married couples typically, do most things are done with a hubby. So I stay in my basement and try and entertain myself. I can’t help but feel I’m wasting a large amount of time not enjoying life, now yes I know you can enjoy stuff alone but that only goes so far. I wish I could take a walk in the park….not alone sometimes, see a movie on a Tuesday, have a nice dinner on a Thurs, gasp!

I have learned all my live to entertain myself I love to read, I have crafts I love doing but there has to be more, is it wrong to want more? Am I a loony tune (yes I am but one thing has only a little to do with the other). I get out doing my volunteer stuff, it’s just not the same. Now keep in mind I do not want to get married, I like my space and my alone time is precious just not so much I don’t think it’s doing me any good. Some times a long distance relationship can be the one sitting right next to you.

 

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Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Right?
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