Archive for » February, 2014 «

I Hurt Myself Today….Not Really

hump-day-funnies-every-pawdy-happy-hump-dayI’ve been very stoic about the breakup with my dude a few months ago. I kind of push it off and say it doesn’t bother me, it was my idea, it was time, but the truth is, there is pain. Pain because more than anything I wanted it to work. The worst thing, I miss my friend. Before anything else we were friends, and I knew when we began we were risking that friendship and there it is, gone.

I’m trying to fill up the days with volunteering, crafting, reading etc.. but there are moments when I think I gotta tell him something and then I remember I can’t. It must have been the right decision because after I ended it (very badly…in an email, I knew I couldn’t do it face to face) I never heard from him again.

I’ve been very slowly clearing my home space, trying to chase away all the junk I have here and make some clean spaces, my mind is cluttered and how wonderful it would be if my surroundings weren’t that way too. My brain has been doing some weird things that last month and most of that can be blamed on medication reaction I had but I’ve been off for a week I think and still some weird things are happening. I cannot imagine how one handles the slow onset of Alzheimer disease. I can’t stand not having complete control of what’s happening, which also makes me feel very vulnerable and hence why I’m missing my friend too, he was my protector when he was around. I guess it’s a grief process too, I have some experience with that, the first time though, I had my friend.

Enough, I’m ok. I just have those moments.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Share

I Hurt Myself Today….Not Really

A Whole New World

English: Three cats

 

So here I am, a 50+ year old single woman. I got out of a long relationship about 3 months ago. At first I didn’t know to do with myself, and because I had spent so much time alone is said relationship it wasn’t much different.  Well as time goes on, well actually the first one I did within days of the break up, I joined an online dating service…..ok I joined 3. The first one just creeped me out, I wasn’t ready for it, the second on just seemed like dudes looking to hook up…and I don’t mean putting worms on my fishing pole (that still managed to come out dirty sounding). The third one was free and I thought why not.

 

The first thing is filling out the profile, which is really easy until you get to the part where it asks what age men you want to date. Well I know that I am way younger than my year age but when you type in that same year age for a male it sounds so old, especially if you have to do a range, then it’s like ewww that would be my dad, not really but that’s what my brain says. So I picked like 4 years before my age and 4 years after. I haven’t been brave enough to respond to the requests I get, I mean really it’s all based on the picture you sent basically and how witty or fun you sound. I did find an old friend of mine on there, we talked and decided we would go out, but instead he decided to sell all his possessions and leave town. Ouch hard to not take that one personal like.

 

So now I sit here on a Saturday night the same way I have most every Saturday night for years and I think to myself I can do anything I want and I kind of like it. The rest will come….or not. There’s always cats.

 

Enhanced by Zemanta
A Whole New World
Get Adobe Flash player