I have been heading for a breakdown, no not of the automotive kind, although I had several of those in the last month or two, my emotional health has been in terrible danger. I’ve been searching through books, blogs, Oprah for help in dealing with this mental heaviness that has been weighing me down. What is wrong is a mystery, I just couldn’t find any joy in anything, everything made me sad and unhappy. It gets worse and worse. This is not me, I used to see the good, I loved being the first one up in the morning and got up easily. I already take meds for anxiety/depression and it just felt like more than that, so tired, so sad, no reason. I kept searching inside and out for a reason for being.
Last night it was a total meltdown. My daughter ended up spending the night at a friends, I was outside at 8 p.m. cleaning up garbage that once again the neighbors dog has spread everywhere, I came in only to find my dog had peed yet again on the floor and I lost it, I’d had enough, all the things weighing down on me for months caught up, I got ready for bed, went into my room, locked the dog out and sobbed like it was the end of the world. I did this for a long time, I prayed for guidance, I asked why could I see anymore? Why couldn’t I see good but yet bad was so clear, over and over and over I asked this, when suddenly I was done. I breathed in and out and a sense of calm came over me. I just laid there and relaxed, nothing felt changed but I felt at peace. Not knowing how to just sit in the peace of it, I picked up my Kindle and started reading a book I had downloaded earlier in the day and then I found the perfect end to the very bad evening, laughter. I picked a book that made me laugh out loud, and suddenly I realized I see, I see something that was looking for joy in laughter. It’s not the solution to it all but it’s something I can use, I haven’t laughed in so long. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it down, you wouldn’t think a normal(?) person would need to write down to remember to laugh but hey I’ll do anything to get past this funk.
So first on my list and the first thing I opened my eyes to this morning was my piece of paper next to me that said remember to laugh every day and guess what for the first time in a long time I smiled first thing in the morning, glad to be.
laughter (Photo credit: withrow)
How are you today? Don’t forget to laugh! Need some suggestions I have a couple if you need them. Love.
