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Another post about depression

I am full on in it, I am in a funk. My depression is fighting the boundaries it’s been given by meds and is in full on attack. I’m certain the time of year has a lot to do with it. It’s cold, I don’t want to move, it was the holiday season, I don’t want to participate. I’m eating for three I think. My brain is fuzzy and all I want to do is sleep – which if you know me you know sleep is also not my friend except when depression is winning, then I manage to sleep..with some help from the other meds sometimes. I make so many plans and then have no energy to do them. This is what depression can look like. Did I mention it makes your body physically hurt all the time? Nasty bugger.

What to do? I dunno. I survive it every year or twice a year. Carry on, gain about 10 lbs, and just miss out on a whole bunch of fun things I could be doing but instead, I sit on my couch.

I am working with essential oils and now is the time to put them to the test. My depression is chemical so what I go through now is a mental thing I’m sure. So Cher’s infamous words “Snap out of it” should be all it takes. I should get on the treadmill I know that works, will I? Probably not, it hurts it takes effort I’m cold I just want to sit here. Lame excuses.

So what is this post about? Whining of course. No seriously if I put it out there, acknowledge it maybe it ceases to be the controller that it is. Wish me luck, I wish you the most wonderful of years!

Another post about depression

Why Get Out of Bed

10931303_10153036425538630_4992521187872609201_nI woke up this morning and laid in bed. I couldn’t for the life of me think of a reason to get out of bed(Giraffe finally got me up, long story). I have nothing to look forward to, all I do is work. I can’t have a normal conversation because all there is is work and my kids. Work and kids are great but it doesn’t maintain a long conversation or in-depth except if I get on my soapbox about work or kids. Would you want to sit down with that? I wouldn’t.

This week has been so hard. I had to testify for hours and a mom lost her two kids, she’s lost 4 altogether. It was the right decision but it will never ever feel good. In the long run I will focus back to the kids, they are never out of my thoughts, but as a mom you can’t help but put yourself in that position and honestly I can’t I can only imagine how that must feel. Parents love their kids, they just don’t always do it right.

Busy week to look forward to I guess. Almost every day and night is booked. Mostly work stuff 🙂  Some good training to look forward to…for work. Where does a single woman go to meet people all alone. Yes there is church but I don’t find that to be a great place for match making. It doesn’t help that most of the time I have absolutely no interest in relationships. I just need a companion to call to do things with, I do not want any kind of serious thing. It holds absolutely no interest to me. I did something stupid and I know I did what I did because of my serious lack of self worth or not to hurt someones feelings – this would be the second time in a year.

I got so angry with myself, which is  good thing. I’m so not happy with my body, and there is only 2 things I can do. Exercise and eat right. Trying yet again. Always after trial I am full of the urge to control things like exercise, food, house.

Food Musings: Short grain brown rice…cook it long enough and it’s like custard. Why do I buy walnuts their taste is obnoxious, or at least the ones from the grocery store. Pecans are the way to go. To me pecans taste like maple syrup.

That is all, have a wonderful day!

Why Get Out of Bed
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