Issues I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Issues

photo credit: Stuck in Customs

I realized a few very important things today. The first thing I realized and I really don’t understand why I didn’t completely grasp this before, I need to get out of my house to appreciate my house and all that comes with it. I am a hermit, I don’t leave the house unless I have to, but by doing that like anything else if you don’t use it it becomes, stagnant, slow, unwilling to do what it’s supposed to do, that’s me. I stay in my house and feel guilty and angry with myself about not doing this or not doing that. If I leave the house, I get away, I get a fresh prospective, I’m even happy to be there…sometimes. I’m not sure how I fix this, saying it and doing it are two very different things. Maybe I should start going down the street with my laptop to the local coffee place and just step away from it. I may try exactly that, but, I have a feeling it’s going to be like pulling teeth-I’m difficult.

The other problem and again I don’t know why I didn’t give myself a break and realize this, I am a single parent and it is really HARD. Sure for some it sounds like fun. But think about it, when you have a house, kids, pets, bills etc.. there is no support nearby. The garbage needs taking out, if kids can’t it’s me, dinner needs making-it’s me, cleaning-me, shopping-me, driver-me, laundry-me, etc… I know many wives do the same thing but there is always a back up when necessary, even if it’s “hey watch the kids I need some me time”. I guilt myself because I can’t do it all, silly, nobody can all the time.

So if I can work on the first issue I think the second issue will become a little easier. I HOPE.

Issues I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Issues

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I am not a religious person, in the organized religion way. I would say I am a spiritual person yes. Every now and then I’m rewarded with what I call God Breezes. God Breezes to me are those instances where you are blessed with something that seems so perfect, or so random but some how you were present for it, just something you know seems to be a gift from a source beyond this World. These happens quite often for me, and never when I’m looking for them directly. Sometimes I just seem to need something and some how a gift comes to me. A lot of times the gift is from Nature which give you back that sense of wonder that the world is so much more than our little mundane lives. Sometimes it that humming bird that just comes up and hovers next to my face, the baby bunnies that come out of their whole and play around my feet, or it’s the first day my husband is at hospice and we’re tired, and scared and knowing what’s coming when all of sudden you look to the window and there right on the other side a deer is standing and looking at you and some how in that minute you are able to take a full breath for the first time in months.

Last night it was a little something different. It was in the 90′s all day yesterday, really uncomfortable all day, worse yet my daughter had trouble with her car and we had to be out in the heat for over an hour waiting for AAA. All went well and we came home, later in the evening for some strange reason I felt the need to go sit outside, away from the air conditioning. So I went on the back patio, we have a nice wooded lot with a lot behind us owned by our neighbors. I sat and just enjoyed the trees and the birds when little boy popped into my vision in front of me. I’d seen the little boy before and knew he was a guest next door, he was probably 2 or 3 years old, the problem was there was no one else in site. He caught sight of me and I waved, he started towards me but I think he realized I wasn’t someone he knew. I watched him and could see he was confused. When I lost sight of him I went looking and he was heading towards the road, not a busy road but still it wasn’t going to happen. I called him towards me and he followed from a distance, I made sure he followed me and I walked into the neigbors house and told them there was a little one all alone, turns out he slipped away and was trying to find someone he knew, he cried when his mommy picked him up and I went home. That was a God Breeze too, I was supposed to be there. I love those moments.

Do you have God Breezes? If you don’t you need to stop, sit and enjoy a moment in nature, they come to you when you least expect it. Hope you experience one soon.