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Why Get Out of Bed

10931303_10153036425538630_4992521187872609201_nI woke up this morning and laid in bed. I couldn’t for the life of me think of a reason to get out of bed(Giraffe finally got me up, long story). I have nothing to look forward to, all I do is work. I can’t have a normal conversation because all there is is work and my kids. Work and kids are great but it doesn’t maintain a long conversation or in-depth except if I get on my soapbox about work or kids. Would you want to sit down with that? I wouldn’t.

This week has been so hard. I had to testify for hours and a mom lost her two kids, she’s lost 4 altogether. It was the right decision but it will never ever feel good. In the long run I will focus back to the kids, they are never out of my thoughts, but as a mom you can’t help but put yourself in that position and honestly I can’t I can only imagine how that must feel. Parents love their kids, they just don’t always do it right.

Busy week to look forward to I guess. Almost every day and night is booked. Mostly work stuff 🙂  Some good training to look forward to…for work. Where does a single woman go to meet people all alone. Yes there is church but I don’t find that to be a great place for match making. It doesn’t help that most of the time I have absolutely no interest in relationships. I just need a companion to call to do things with, I do not want any kind of serious thing. It holds absolutely no interest to me. I did something stupid and I know I did what I did because of my serious lack of self worth or not to hurt someones feelings – this would be the second time in a year.

I got so angry with myself, which is  good thing. I’m so not happy with my body, and there is only 2 things I can do. Exercise and eat right. Trying yet again. Always after trial I am full of the urge to control things like exercise, food, house.

Food Musings: Short grain brown rice…cook it long enough and it’s like custard. Why do I buy walnuts their taste is obnoxious, or at least the ones from the grocery store. Pecans are the way to go. To me pecans taste like maple syrup.

That is all, have a wonderful day!

Why Get Out of Bed

Imagine all the people Living for today

Comfort in Thought

Last night I decided to do something really different and I made an appointment to do a past life regression hypnosis session. I was so excited about it, I’ve been interested for awhile and I thought maybe I could get to the bottom of some fears I have that have developed over the years. So I went, I was extremely tired, I had orginially told the lady doing it that I was going to drink because it’s really hard for me to relax, I thought being as tired as I was would work just as well. We sat for a long time just chit chatting about our kids. I filled out a short form saying what I would like to accomplish and we were off to the comfy chair and blankie.

So I felt pretty relaxed because I was that tired. We began, I don’t know if it was working because just as we were getting started the wonderful guide had a coughing fit really bad, I felt really sorry for her. So after a length of time the recording was restarted and we began again. The beginging is just running through your body relaxing muscles, that went fine, then we hit the one thing I cannot do, visualize. If you tell me to imagine a beautiful garden, I can’t I see nothing in my minds eye, see a mirror, nope. I discovered I cannot visualize things. If you said to me imagine your sitting on the swing in your backyard I can pull up that memory but if it’s an imaginary thing in my back yard I can’t. No obviously I have an imagination or my dreams of zombies would never happen so that works. But I cannot pull images up. I can see words, think about being scared would cause me to see the word not feel it.

I was so upset that I couldn’t do that I couldn’t relax so the session was a no go, although I had her whole technique on tape to try at home. Tonight I’l drink and listen 🙂 still really tired. I do not how to create or learn to visualize this is a brain thing. I can’t relax if I have to think about trying to do something I can’t. I’m not really that creative either. Sure I do creative things but mostly I follow patterns and get ideas from looking at someone else’s designs. I’m frustrated. I wish I knew how to fix it. Some people can close their eyes and see a red box with a white dot in the middle, I see absolutely nothing. If you tell me to close my eyes and see an Amazon.com box, no problem.

I did go on the internet I’m not the only one, but some how it doesn’t make me feel better.

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Imagine all the people Living for today
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