photo credit: Stuck in Customs

I realized a few very important things today. The first thing I realized and I really don’t understand why I didn’t completely grasp this before, I need to get out of my house to appreciate my house and all that comes with it. I am a hermit, I don’t leave the house unless I have to, but by doing that like anything else if you don’t use it it becomes, stagnant, slow, unwilling to do what it’s supposed to do, that’s me. I stay in my house and feel guilty and angry with myself about not doing this or not doing that. If I leave the house, I get away, I get a fresh prospective, I’m even happy to be there…sometimes. I’m not sure how I fix this, saying it and doing it are two very different things. Maybe I should start going down the street with my laptop to the local coffee place and just step away from it. I may try exactly that, but, I have a feeling it’s going to be like pulling teeth-I’m difficult.

The other problem and again I don’t know why I didn’t give myself a break and realize this, I am a single parent and it is really HARD. Sure for some it sounds like fun. But think about it, when you have a house, kids, pets, bills etc.. there is no support nearby. The garbage needs taking out, if kids can’t it’s me, dinner needs making-it’s me, cleaning-me, shopping-me, driver-me, laundry-me, etc… I know many wives do the same thing but there is always a back up when necessary, even if it’s “hey watch the kids I need some me time”. I guilt myself because I can’t do it all, silly, nobody can all the time.

So if I can work on the first issue I think the second issue will become a little easier. I HOPE.